When you think about going through your finances with a fine-toothed comb, what emotions do you feel initially? What are your automatic reactions to analyzing your financial statements? When going through your credit card charges, your debit card swipes, and your bank activity, fear and anxiety should not be what you go through. Assessing your monthly statements and weekly expenditures should be empowering and thought-provoking. There shouldn’t be a negative and angry feeling when being told to heavily dig through your expenditures. For too many people though, it’s a source of agony and becoming defensive even. I get it. I used to go through my bills and be overwhelmed and stressed until I changed my attitude about being broke and getting the electricity turned off–multiple times.

Now, I go through my almost daily purchases and expenses and I grill myself about every one of them. Did I really need a $10 sugar-crap coffee drink to get through my day or did I just want it really bad? Could I have gotten my caffeine from the $2 Americano and been functional without the calories and money wasted? Absolutely. Many times I could have not stayed up scrolling or letting my mind wander with nonsense. I could have drank more water during the day and ate better to be more energized. I had at least $8 here and there that were wasteful and they could have kept the lights on, kept my account from overdrafting, and maybe even given me $50 for the month to put into a Roth IRA with VOO and grown my net worth instead of drinking junk and throwing the cash away on frivolous stuff. This was the horrible place of spending money I was caught in. This is the rat race I let myself run.

I had a self-depricating mindset of other people were doing it and it looked fun, like what I thought living life should be at the time. I “deserved” to “treat myself” and I wasn’t living if I couldn’t even go to the store and get myself a coffee or whatever cute thing Target was releasing. I realized my own behaviors though and also started thinking, do billionaires think of stuff like this or is it just people who are living one paycheck at a time? The average person, who is more broke than me, thinks this way. That’s when I realized that mindset was the reason I was broke and cute stuff and expensive drinks weren’t living or treating myself right. They were hindrances to a bigger account balance and traveling or buying a house, getting a better car, etc. “It’s just $20” eating out, impulse purchases, coffees, being influenced on IG, Stanley’s, etc–it’s all destorying the country and their ability to afford the basics. Most Americans are trying to keep up with the Benjamin’s instead of saving them and putting them into HYSAs, IRAs, ETFs, and putting it away for far better treats–like travel and bigger purchases, even education or upgrading their home. This type of thinking alone can make you broke and destroy every dream you have. It sounds dramatic but it’s factual when you think about the big things you can’t afford, like a home or a better home, replacing the car, getting a car, going on trips, doing more things with the kids, buying clothes, improving your home, getting an education, having savings or an emergency fund, whatever. If you’re living paycheck to paycheck but also having this mindset of “deserving” and “treat y’self” then you need to realize how detrimental to your future this could be now and when you’re old and can’t work.

Write a list of all things you’d love to do, the places you would love to visit, the life you want, and the dream life you wish you could have. Do you want to die with barely any of that list checked out? Do you want to die with one or none of them ever happening? That’s the trade off for “treats” and a “deserve” mentality. I had it too but I wasn’t as bad as most Americans which was the saddest part of what I was realizing about our American culture. I was still watching savings, trying to put any small amount way, studying business and finance, but I wasn’t as good at practicing it as I wanted to be. I started shopping the cute things by putting them in my cart and wandering the store for fun. As the minutes passed, I would look down at my cart a few times and the thrill of the buy was already wearing off. I would put a couple of things back. I’d think about where I would put it and would I love it as much a year later? Or would I want the next nice thing and get it too? I was going to be in a bad cycle of buying and selling on Marketplace or donating if I was honest with myself. I started developing a better habit of putting the stuff away and walking out of the store with less and less. I was learning to walk out of Target without the new products I loved and without “fun” spending I was allowing to happen.

I got honest and focused on what I was doing and how I was swiping my card every day. Before I got to the register, I went through its cost and value to me, my future, my kids, and if it was the new thing I wanted now or was it something I’d be so happy with and still conscience of a year later. Decor and pretty things lose luster when the next pretty thing comes out. I was not going to fall into that trap. If the item I wanted to buy fit into that cycle, it wasn’t best for my kids and our futures so I didn’t buy it. I was saving money by being smart and not comparing myself to anyone else. I had a mission to not spend what I did not need. I no longer felt “this is not a way to live” and started feeling like, “this is going to be a better way to live”. And it was. Those small “reward” purchases add up so much faster than we admit and they added up to a flight to Europe for my family in two years! It was a great feeling to look at material goods and eating out as not treats when they weren’t as fulfilling as what putting that money elsewhere would feel like. Coffee in Paris or coffee in Target? Joanna Gaines on my dining room table or eating at a table in London? That’s how I see money now and how I put those amounts into a high yield savings account every time I was tempted to spend them elsewhere. That’s how I got the trip paid for!

I stopped getting to payday with an empty account and I was getting back to the person I was who didn’t care about new stuff and what everyone else was doing. I was happier with more money and less stress. The stuff I was buying wasn’t making me nearly as happy as the account having some wiggle room and there being left overs between paydays. I was starting to have $50-100 per month to put into ETFs like VOO through my Roth IRA and I was building great wealth off very little a month. I was going back to what I was always taught and believed in but hadn’t practiced lately. I noticed when I was falling behind financially I was making myself more behind trying to cling on to better days by “spoiling myself” with Starbucks and going out to eat because I was masking how horrible I was really feeling about money and wanting to pretend for a bit I wasn’t so broke when I very much was. We use things to make ourselves feel better and in reality, we feel worse, because deep down we know this behavior is self-sabatoging when the electric bill comes in or when you might not have enough gas to make it through the week. When I was doing okay, not great, but not as bad, I noticed I wasn’t feeling as bad about myself and how I was in comparison to everyone around me. I wasn’t spending as much in places I shouldn’t and I wasn’t feeling bad about “missing out” not going to eat out every week or consciously deciding not to go to the coffeeshop because it was a waste of money. I noticed, I didn’t miss those things as much when I could kind of afford them or afford them once a week because it no longer felt like I needed to treat myself. That’s when I learned too why we act like this. We sort of self-medicate with stuff trying to feel better about not being able to afford the stuff. It’s a vicious cycle and it does hurt the long term more than the here and now. It was living a lie and hiding behind the truth. It’s awful.

I started following the rule of, instead of buying the stuff to feel better like I’m doing better than I am, like I was trying to impress people and myself, I started started living by the rule don’t buy their stuff; invest in their stuff. I started seeing reminders everywhere to not spend $10 in Starbucks but $10 ON Starbucks. I started using ETrade (which is free) and I started buying fractional shares of Starbucks, Apple, Amazon, ExxonMobil, etc and then I realized as the markets were doing well, how powerful ten bucks could truly be. I stopped spending and started buying shares in tiny increments. Wow, does it add up quickly. I had multiple shares in all of them and I kept going.

I changed my mindset and fears around scrutinizing every little penny I spent. I no longer felt ashamed and humiliated how I was so broke that I had to nit pick every small purchase this deeply. I no longer felt it as a bad thing but a power shift and life step in the right direction. If I cut $50 a month in dumb spending here and there and put it OUT of my checking and into a savings that wasn’t connected to my current account, I was building a small bit of cushion which was more fulfilling than any item, trend, drink, status symbol, etc. I wasn’t as broke as I thought but I was more wasteful and stupid than I had thought. Going through every dollar I spent wasn’t ridiculous or pointless because it showed me how much I was letting go without much benefit and it showed me how much I had left over when I stepped being wasteful. Going through my finances with a fine toothed comb showed me I had potential and a little bit, not much, but a small amount that I could get out of being paycheck to paycheck and squeeze enough every month to have a padding and I slowly got more efficient on my bills too. I started getting better at not even going places that tempted me to buy and I stopped being tempted by them to go in. I don’t even go inside Target anymore and I save even more now because I only search what’s on my grocery list instead of going through the store.

The grocery aisles can be sneaky on your budget too and make you spend more even if you no longer explore the new Magnolia or Studio McGee products. I noticed I was getting caught up in sales or whatever looked too good (NEVER shop hungry or full!) and so when I started only shopping on the app with exactly what was on my list then checking out, I was savings HUNDREDS every month! I was saving hundreds and had a couple hundred every month now for my Roth IRA where I was learning how simple ETF purchases could make me rich in retirement with only $100-200 per month and eventually more. I had less debt and more to pay off what I did owe. I was slowly becoming even more smart with money with cash in the bank despite my income not changing. It was crazy! I have no debt now and I buy smart. I buy only what I need at Target through drive up and I don’t guilt buy anything for the kids either or get sucked into sales of stuff that’s cool but not a need.

I was becoming more and more encouraged about finances and putting money in better places than my bank account which wasn’t growing with interest like I expected. I thought about everything my grandma taught me about stocks and savings and I started learning more. I read books, listened to podcasts, read articles, and went to webinars to learn as much as I could. I watched business shows, and only followed business and finance accounts. No more scrolling, binge watching, or wasting time posting. I was learning and realizing this is how billionaires work too. Celebrities and show offs on social media flash their wealth but truly wealthy people are simple, monitor all expenses no matter how small, and live a more quiet wealth lifestyle. It’s not for show. It’s for comfort and peace of mind. That was the goal I set from then on. I stopped consuming consumerism content online or people who posted their Amazon hauls, outfits, stuff, decor, whatever and never bought into it or the idea of needing a lifestyle of a certain kind because it looked good. It didn’t mean it was BEST for me to live that way because it was a shiny object way of life. It all comes and goes and so does that money so it was no longer for me. I wanted the money coming and growing so I followed new money rules. If I saw something and was tempted to buy a want, not a need, and it was Target, Amazon, etc. I instead, put the cost into their stock or my Roth and let that money be put to better use. This is where I saw my accounts all growing in the right direction. I care less about stuff and more about the next decade and where I’ll be financially then. Not how pretty my house is compared to Instagram or what cup everyone is carrying. I can put $50 in way better places that pay me thousands back in retirement than a cup because the internet got obsessed for some reason.

This is the power of simply changing your mindset and small habits because these little actions, like interest, compound over time and continue to slowly grow into big returns. Read the Slight Edge and Compound Effect, the 12 Week Year, and other books. They help so much!