You’ve heard this advice before but how legitimate is it and when is it best to do so?

The most important aspect to remember is that even the rate you’re wanting to “date” is something achievable and won’t create stress for you. Buyers have been approved for mortgages beyond their financial reach and it’s important to understand what you know about your finances. Your debts are included in your credit decision but not most of your expenses.

As lenders, we’re not looking at regular expenditures such as groceries and gas, or costs of kid sports and school needs. We aren’t digging deep into your pockets to understand how much you spend on Amazon and Target. We look at total credit card debt and total bank balances but we’re not here to nitpick how much you spend to live every month, dollar for dollar. That’s now how approvals work. For some, that can be bad.

Maybe when you apply, you’ve got a good savings tucked away to purchase and a decent income to verify. On paper, you’re a solid candidate but you spend paper that doesn’t get analyzed by the bank. Maybe your credit cards are paid down or you’ve got another account separate for shopping and miscellaneous so we don’t see that you have an expensive lifestyle—whether a spending problem or just a lot on your plate. For some, a mortgage doesn’t let them have those anymore or save for vacations, eating out, etc. That’s not when you date the rate.

When you date the rate is when even the high rates aren’t affecting your ability to live the life you enjoy and pay for the things you enjoy or want. If you are not seeing approval amounts for a monthly mortgage that’s reasonable, date a different rate—never settle.

You marry the house when the date went well and you have a rate you can live with. Look at dating the rate as dating a potential partner—look for red flags 🚩 and don’t let it make you give up what you’re not willing to sacrifice for.

The best way to getting into the “rate dating game” is to go for a pre approval with a qualified lender. To gauge your comfort level in the meantime, take your gross income before taxes and multiply it by .28 for Conventional and .36 for FHA. If you don’t like what you see, put more money away to put more down so you can get a better payment by putting more down. While you don’t need 20% these days, I always recommend at least 5% to lower your monthly mortgage payments on your loan m. 6-8% is even better if you can do it.

Mess around with online mortgage calculations, you can Google them, and plug in numbers you like. Remember to consider home insurance, taxes, and round up to the next hundred. Play with down payments too and see what might get you closer to your comfort zone. It might be rates are too high to get there or that you just need a little more saved to marry the house now and date the rate until refinancing next year if rates drop.

Marry the house when dating the rate is a comfortable price or wait a few months and shop the market again. Don’t commit if it’s not worth it to you. Don’t marry the house if you won’t even date the rate!!

An FHA Streamline is a no-documentation refinance of an FHA loan. This means you don’t have to go through a credit-qualifying process, unless you have a borrower being removed and require regular underwriting, and you can more quickly close with less paperwork and still get the refinance benefits you expect. You do not need an appraisal or full credit pull. Your closing date needs to be at least 210 days ago and have six consecutive months of ontime payments and be at least six months since your first payment. These are FHA seasoning requirements so if your loan is newer, wait a little longer before applying to Streamline it.

Your FHA Streamline must have a net tangible benefit before proceeding with a refinance. The refinance should reduce your montly payment by at least 5%, reduce your term and/or rate, and provide financial benefit to the borrower in some way that is not more beneficial to the lender than the borrower.

That’s it! It’s just a modern way to refinance your home on an FHA loan to get a better rate and save money on your monthly mortgage payment. You don’t need to go through the employment and income verification process the same again as you did at purchase. Underwriting of the Streamline refinance will go through all of the back end things on their own and much of what you need is verifiable without submitting new documentation all over again. It’s a much easier and faster closing process, which is often all virtual now, with less stress and more of a, you guessed it, streamlined procedure start to finish.

Reminder: This is for FHA loans, not Conventional. They’re done differently just as they are for purchases. This also doesn’t apply to USDA loans and VA have their own process to refinance.

Most people assume they’re not a first time home buyer because they have owned a home before but that’s not how the mortgage definition actually works. Let’s say you have owned before but have been renting the last few years, then you probably qualify. The clock resets every 3 years. If you have not had your name legally attached to an OWNED property for at least three years, then you qualify as a first time homebuyer to take advantage of low down 3.5% FHA (which are actually NOT for first time homebuyers but anyone!) and 3% down CONVENTIONAL loans which are specifically for buyers who haven’t had their name on any title or loan in three years. Otherwise, you qualify for an FHA or 5% down conventional which is for everyone buying a primary residence regardless of previous ownership.

If you’ve co-signed or were on a home that sold in less than three years from the time you wish to apply for a new loan, then you do not qualify. Your name must have been on no loan or title in the last three years to qualify. If it’s more than three years, you do. First time home buyer loans are primarily low down programs to help people get into their first home or first home in a while so that’s why it applies to more than just those who are brand new to buying real estate but also to those trying to own again. Many people can use these after the first 12 months to then use as income properties or so long as they live in at least 6 months of the year after on FHA and certain grants, they’re fine. It’s mortgage fraud to not follow the terms of your loan and using the property as any type of rental so know your loan conditions! They have different terms so you need to consult with your mortgage originator and go over the terms if you’re hoping to one day rent out the property or turn into another type of income-generating endeavor soon after close.

If you haven’t been on a loan or title in three years, then absolutely look into a 3% conventional FIRST. FHA not only charges an UPFRONT MIP, it’s for the life of the loan usually. You can remove PMI for conventional loans but most people confuse it with MIP on FHA loans which is NOT the same thing and almost always permanent. There are some conditions if you put a lot down but that’s rare. Conventional loans offer greater relief from costs and paying fees so check them first. You want more of your money going towards principle than fees and interest!! If your credit and DTI aren’t great, you DO NOT have to be a first time homebuyer to get an FHA mortgage. That is a longstanding myth and again, confused with the low down conventional program of 3% and removable PMI (NOT for FHA which uses MIP). You can use FHA as often as you need so long as it’s your primary residence and you’re not clearly selling every few months and flipping those properties. If you owned your home over 90 days and then sold, you can still use one as long as no mortgage fraud is happening and all parameters of FHA were followed. Again, consult with your MLO to ensure you’re following the rules of your mortgage terms.

There are FHA programs however that allow you to buy and flip, like HomeStyle loans and such but those are specific programs and not the standard FHA or Conventional loan 95% of buyers use that you’re likely going to be using as well. If you’re looking for those programs, make sure you’re honest and upfront with your lender to make sure you get the right program as those loans also help fund renovation costs and help keep contractors on point. Don’t commit mortgage fraud to try and get a better deal! Just get the right loan and you should get the best deal anyway because many loans are available to investors that are not all requiring 20%. If you do have a big down though for any type of loan you will absolutely save on the mortgage insurance costs lenders charge but it’s not necessary for many loans. Ask your mortgage person!

For more information email jenniferlarsonent@yahoo.com and please put LOAN in the subject line so it doesn’t get missed. Thanks!

A lot of people have recently brought up the mention of dealing with major debt like foreclosure and bankruptcy and how it affects their finances and loan chances. To be honest, I have held back on talking about this because I am not a bankruptcy lawyer and there are so many situations to consider. There are also different types of bankruptcy and they each impact your credit, future, and current debts differently. There are so many scenarios where they’re appropriate and so many life situations that need to be considered with a qualified attorney to go over your options. I can tell you the amount of debt is not indicative of necessity. One thing people need to realize too is the impact of foreclosure vs bankruptcy, and the difference between letting your credit take a hit instead of the next several years’ impact of bankruptcy; because it can prevent you from having a future for the next decade, including trying to rent and get a job in some cases. Bankruptcy is intense and a major last resort decision only you and a qualified expert team should be making.

Bankruptcy is not to avoid paying debts!!! It’s not to just avoid someone coming after you. It’s a massive deal and it can have drastic consequences that will impact your future financial situation as well. Always consult with a professional beforehand and go over your finances with them as well as your creditors individually before coming to that final call. Bankruptcy doesn’t help you escape debt and it’s not without risks so make sure you find a good one with great reviews and who listens to you. You’re usually going to have to pay out something to those creditors and attorneys too. It’s not an easy thing and scapegoat for debt.

Clients who come to me about bankruptcy are typically asking because they either want to buy a house but are afraid they never will with the mountain of debts and/or the current risk of foreclosure they already have, or are going to be experiencing. Sometimes they’re trying to get out of a house they can no longer afford and are worried they’ll lose it, or will, and don’t know the impacts filing bankruptcy will have in getting out of that house and into a place they can afford. Other times, they’re in the process already, or just finished, and want to buy again. There are massive credit impacts and rules in the following years after a bankruptcy filing. Most people don’t understand the impact, unfortunately.

Before you go that far, work your butt off to get those debts lowered as much as possible. Call your creditor to negotiate down fees, interest rate, balance due, back payment, etc. Whether you need to give them your sob story or literally sob 😭 on the phone, do what you have to do to cut your debts and payments down as far as possible. Next, be honest. Can you afford to keep the cars and house? Whether it’s a need is irrelevant if you can’t afford to keep it. Figure it out. Tens of millions of people move closer to work or find ways to get transportation. Make it happen. Don’t be ashamed or “too proud” to take the bus, get a “lesser” car, etc. Do what you MUST to survive and eliminate payments you can’t make anymore.

If you’re worried your creditors or bankruptcy will make you give up your home, do your best to sell first, especially if you have equity. That equity is CASH that can pay debts and keep creditors away. Maybe it will help you keep a car or two, pay down other things, etc. You should always focus first on paying down, or off, each individual debt on its own. Cars and houses can be sold, refinanced, paid down faster, etc. compared to many debts. Student loans are very hard for most people to pay down much earlier but depending on credit card debts and personal loans, those can sometimes be renegotiated and then paid down or reduced. If you are really strapped, I would focus on paying your essentials first. Can you at least afford your car and house? If not, you need to make a decision. If you own your home, maybe you need to sell, refinance, get a roommate, rent it out and move into a cheaper place, or out of state. If you can have the mortgage assumed then great, etc. but you need to make painful decisions before you lose everything and it affects your future. A home with equity can be sold to eliminate that loan but also pay the car down or off at least; and that eliminates two debts. It can be used to pay off or pay down credit cards or other loans that are of biggest impact to your debt problems. If you’re renting, you need to choose your most important bills to keep. Is it rent or the car? Can you downsize to save temporarily while paying off some debts? Make difficult decisions and accept the reality before it bites you harder. Too many people struggle with making hard choices so they make none or the wrong ones. You can’t afford to do what you want to do. That ship has sailed so do what you NEED and SHOULD do and get it done. You’ll get back on your feet but right now, eliminate debts one by one, or at least dramatically reduce them any way you can. It’s better to let some things go to collections than lose everything. Bankruptcy is not usually the answer and shouldn’t be your first choice but for some, it is the answer. Again, consult an attorney but a good attorney will usually also recommend you try to avoid bankruptcy proceedings if at all possible. Do your research!!

In regards to applying for a loan or how these debts might affect you, they will almost always limit your loan options and amounts. Get your debts somehow paid off, preferrably, versus just losing everything. If you can’t sell a car for the total loan balance or you can’t sell it all, losing it to repossession is probably better than filing bankruptcy and you usually have months before they actually come and get the car so you can maybe buy some time and come up with the money–especially if you’re selling a home and will earn some money from the sale to pay it. Unless your credit cards are astronomical, same thing applies. If you’re in debt though tens of thousands of dollars on multiple loans with various creditors, then maybe bankruptcy is best. I don’t know how people let the debt creep up like that but they do it constantly and ruin their whole life! If you’re in massive debt beyond words, yeah, you need an attorney. If you’re not there yet, do not use debt to get out of debt!!! So many people do this and it makes no sense. It’s literal insanity. STOP!! You’re going to make everything so much worse. Swallow your pride (you shouldn’t have any at this point, honestly) and do what’s best for your family. There are services to help you when you can’t pay your mortgage, can’t provide for food, etc. Being “prideful” is not something to be proud of and what pride do you have? Not paying the bills? There’s NOTHING wrong with asking for help and keeping food on the table if you need services for a little while. Kids don’t care as long as they’re fed and basic needs met. You should feel the same. Get financial services like WIC or EBT and feed your kids!! You’re paying into it in case you ever hit hard times. It will help you as you salvage your situation and no one goes hungry. There’s no pride in bankruptcy and losing everything. NONE.

This country has a massive problem with understanding simple finances and debts. The government didn’t make your decisions, you did. Hourly jobs aren’t enough and haven’t been really ever. I’ve always had to have two full-time jobs and a side job. ALWAYS. And even during those times, I had roommates in a one-bedroom apartment. I made things work to pay off debts and I have lost things to financial ruin during that time. It’s tough but you get through it and come back better than ever if you’re smart. Don’t be prideful, be strategic and you will WIN in the end.

Check your bank statements or call your bank and ask but if your money is in Bank of America, Chase Bank, Wells Fargo, or even most credit unions, you’re earning a couple of pennies in interest instead of dollars every month. Standard banks don’t pay in interest like online banks because they’re more obsolete. They maintain thousands of branches that have building costs, bills, excessive expenses, and most people don’t even go into the bank anymore. There are ATMs everywhere these days and you can transfer money in a click or deposit at ATMs or other cash locations. Online banks offer these too in person at ATMs and authorized locations and they also put way more into services and products for their customers so they get better returns like an HYSA and investment tools.

1. High Yield Savings Accounts are savings accounts with online banks that pay WAY MORE than standard banks in interest and many have no or less fees compared to the standard branches most Americans use. I use SoFi, Marcus by Goldman Sachs, and Captial One because their services and apps are awesome and I can build wealth so easily through them with rarely a cost. I have a free account bonus through SoFi as well that I’ll link below. APRs go up and down with the Fed Rate but they never crash down to the slap-in-the-face rates your regular bank is paying. Currently they’re almost 5% in HYSAs while most other banks never pay you more than .02% no matter the economy or rates. That’s almost as good as your mattress or piggy bank. You can do better and it doesn’t cost you anything to switch or move your direct deposit. In fact, they might pay YOU to do it in those online banks. There are dozens of banks that can do this but you know my favorites by now.

2. The second place is a Roth IRA if you don’t have one. Mine is also now with SoFi and it’s linked to my bank accounts for automatic deposits but on the SoFi app I can also manage it instantly and add more money in seconds or change the investments within the Roth. Remember that your money in a Roth IRA is put towards investments so it can grow your tax free retirement while you sleep for years to come. I invest mine in ETFs that have so little risk like VOO, SPY, VTI, VUG, QQQ, and others. Those all constain top stocks like Amazon, Google, Disney, Microsoft, Meta, Tesla, and others. Since the money you put in here is through your bank and paycheck it’s a post tax contribution. You’ve already been taxed on this money and now you’ve gotten paid so you’re putting it into your Roth IRA so it doesn’t get taxed again when you pull it out when you’re 70-or anytime after 59 1/2 without penalty or other fees and taxes. It’s a tax free retirement this way so you aren’t taxed on this money again in your golden years like some retirement funds. Remember that Roth IRAs contain investments like stocks and ETFs that you invest your funds in, within the account. You can buy shares through many investment sources.

You can also buy those in fractional shares of any amount you want on platforms like ETrade and SoFi. I use both apps and in my SoFi I have automatic deposits into my individual brokerage account that I can then use to buy whatever portions of stocks I want. I can buy whatever I like in any of those but also ETFs as mentioned above in small increments because it adds up to real stock value over time and you still get paid dividends on those fractional shares which can be free money to keep investing. That’s what I do! I don’t pay fees or anything either and it literally takes a few seconds to do. Since I’m putting my money in a Roth IRA, it’s not getting taxed anymore and I won’t in my older years. It’s not income yet but it’s earning income from what I deposit AND it’s going to work when I do too so the money never stops growing.

3. The third and final place are ETFs because they’re average return year over year is 10-12% for ETFs that track the S & P 500, like those I mentioned above. They’re by far the most popular because of the stocks they contain, the success they’ve had for decades now, and how little they cost to acquire. Get yourself started with a VOO ETF which is by Vanguard, a very well known and respected finance company, and put it into your Roth IRA right away, whethere it’s a whole or fractional share. Get started with any amount you can and grow it by any amount whenever you can. Then get SPY, VTI, VUG, and QQQ. There are many others but start with these at least. They’re far smarter than trying to play the individual stock game and don’t come with the crazy risks of buying stocks and daytrading in what you don’t fully understand. You’ll make money doing nothing and it just builds for years or decades as you go on with your life. Any income can do this. I do it in my SoFi app and every payday. I started with $15 per check and I worked my way up 10 times that weekly ($150 per week) and it just keeps growing. I made dividends off some ETFs when I only owned maybe a third of a share and that money was put right back into the shares to buy me more, for free! I never lose money and these are long term stocks so a bad month or year won’t affect me at all.

These are just a starting point but if you want a successful financial future and you don’t have the education or career path where you’re going to be making good money anytime soon, you’re going to need to do this. If you read my other blogs, I have so many ways to help anyone at any income tuck money away and make a successful retirement and future without bills and with little money. Whether you have ten bucks or a thousand, I can help! Check out other articles or email jenniferlarsonent@yahoo.com and put SAVINGS in the subject line so I see it and respond. All of my services are free and I have free referral links for money credits if you open a SoFi account as well. I use them more than ETrade now because ETFs especially are not always traded on ETrade and while they allow fractional shares, SoFi allows them on every ETF I’ve bought so far and it’s automatically deposited every paycheck so my accounts are all automated and earning money the second I get paid!

Roth IRAs do have a few rules like annual limits to how much you can deposit. For 2024, the limit is $7,000 a month for anyone under 59 1/2 and there are some income limits (in the six figures) every year for couples or single folks so make sure you know those for the current year. If you do make a higher income, ask your financial advisor about a Back Door Roth IRA strategy and also put money in your IRA towards all the ETFs we mentioned. You can also have a traditional IRA and 401k accounts too. I’m not as well-versed in accounts for those making much higher incomes and at the age of 60 because there are so many other variables at that age for retirement accounts. The investment strategies are very similiar but not everything so I recommend a financial advisor through Fidelity, Vanguard, Charles Schwab, Morgan Stanley, Edward Jones, and others. I have accounts with all of these companies and I get so much help just calling my assigned advisor and working with them. Most only get paid through returns and programs so I don’t pay anything just for advice.

For anyone under 60, it’s a more basic approach and also focusing on the long game while you’re not a legal retirement age to cash out these accounts. Keep up with watching your money and remember that quiet wealth is real wealth. Don’t focus on “keeping up” with the Jones’ or what everyone is buying on IG. Stanley Cups are stupid and just cups. They leak and they’re nothing innovative.Most influencers got them for free or make money to promote them and the same goes for all of that Studio McGee crap and any other brand. If they’re sharing it, they have an affiliate link and probably a promotional contract with the company otherwise they don’t even tell you about what they’re buying. Many of them get paid too or return the stuff a couple weeks later. The rest are just in massive credit card debt and have no savings. Don’t buy into this ploy. Unfollow people that make you want to buy stuff and put that money to better use. I have recent articles on this subject too and how I got myself out of this bad trap. Check out any of my blog posts before this one and there’s some great information to get out of debt, into a little bit of money, and stop this cycle of feeling less than. Don’t play the game, beat the game.

Here’s my SoFi link 🔗 to get a free sign up bonus!

Hi! 👋 Join me to start earning more money with SoFi Checking and Savings. You’ll earn up to 4.60% APY and pay no account fees. Use my link to sign up and you’ll get a $25 bonus and up to $300 when you set up direct deposit. https://www.sofi.com/invite/money?gcp=ae5e4b53-7a4a-4c2e-b9c4-de9b1f78b843&isAliasGcp=false

When you think about going through your finances with a fine-toothed comb, what emotions do you feel initially? What are your automatic reactions to analyzing your financial statements? When going through your credit card charges, your debit card swipes, and your bank activity, fear and anxiety should not be what you go through. Assessing your monthly statements and weekly expenditures should be empowering and thought-provoking. There shouldn’t be a negative and angry feeling when being told to heavily dig through your expenditures. For too many people though, it’s a source of agony and becoming defensive even. I get it. I used to go through my bills and be overwhelmed and stressed until I changed my attitude about being broke and getting the electricity turned off–multiple times.

Now, I go through my almost daily purchases and expenses and I grill myself about every one of them. Did I really need a $10 sugar-crap coffee drink to get through my day or did I just want it really bad? Could I have gotten my caffeine from the $2 Americano and been functional without the calories and money wasted? Absolutely. Many times I could have not stayed up scrolling or letting my mind wander with nonsense. I could have drank more water during the day and ate better to be more energized. I had at least $8 here and there that were wasteful and they could have kept the lights on, kept my account from overdrafting, and maybe even given me $50 for the month to put into a Roth IRA with VOO and grown my net worth instead of drinking junk and throwing the cash away on frivolous stuff. This was the horrible place of spending money I was caught in. This is the rat race I let myself run.

I had a self-depricating mindset of other people were doing it and it looked fun, like what I thought living life should be at the time. I “deserved” to “treat myself” and I wasn’t living if I couldn’t even go to the store and get myself a coffee or whatever cute thing Target was releasing. I realized my own behaviors though and also started thinking, do billionaires think of stuff like this or is it just people who are living one paycheck at a time? The average person, who is more broke than me, thinks this way. That’s when I realized that mindset was the reason I was broke and cute stuff and expensive drinks weren’t living or treating myself right. They were hindrances to a bigger account balance and traveling or buying a house, getting a better car, etc. “It’s just $20” eating out, impulse purchases, coffees, being influenced on IG, Stanley’s, etc–it’s all destorying the country and their ability to afford the basics. Most Americans are trying to keep up with the Benjamin’s instead of saving them and putting them into HYSAs, IRAs, ETFs, and putting it away for far better treats–like travel and bigger purchases, even education or upgrading their home. This type of thinking alone can make you broke and destroy every dream you have. It sounds dramatic but it’s factual when you think about the big things you can’t afford, like a home or a better home, replacing the car, getting a car, going on trips, doing more things with the kids, buying clothes, improving your home, getting an education, having savings or an emergency fund, whatever. If you’re living paycheck to paycheck but also having this mindset of “deserving” and “treat y’self” then you need to realize how detrimental to your future this could be now and when you’re old and can’t work.

Write a list of all things you’d love to do, the places you would love to visit, the life you want, and the dream life you wish you could have. Do you want to die with barely any of that list checked out? Do you want to die with one or none of them ever happening? That’s the trade off for “treats” and a “deserve” mentality. I had it too but I wasn’t as bad as most Americans which was the saddest part of what I was realizing about our American culture. I was still watching savings, trying to put any small amount way, studying business and finance, but I wasn’t as good at practicing it as I wanted to be. I started shopping the cute things by putting them in my cart and wandering the store for fun. As the minutes passed, I would look down at my cart a few times and the thrill of the buy was already wearing off. I would put a couple of things back. I’d think about where I would put it and would I love it as much a year later? Or would I want the next nice thing and get it too? I was going to be in a bad cycle of buying and selling on Marketplace or donating if I was honest with myself. I started developing a better habit of putting the stuff away and walking out of the store with less and less. I was learning to walk out of Target without the new products I loved and without “fun” spending I was allowing to happen.

I got honest and focused on what I was doing and how I was swiping my card every day. Before I got to the register, I went through its cost and value to me, my future, my kids, and if it was the new thing I wanted now or was it something I’d be so happy with and still conscience of a year later. Decor and pretty things lose luster when the next pretty thing comes out. I was not going to fall into that trap. If the item I wanted to buy fit into that cycle, it wasn’t best for my kids and our futures so I didn’t buy it. I was saving money by being smart and not comparing myself to anyone else. I had a mission to not spend what I did not need. I no longer felt “this is not a way to live” and started feeling like, “this is going to be a better way to live”. And it was. Those small “reward” purchases add up so much faster than we admit and they added up to a flight to Europe for my family in two years! It was a great feeling to look at material goods and eating out as not treats when they weren’t as fulfilling as what putting that money elsewhere would feel like. Coffee in Paris or coffee in Target? Joanna Gaines on my dining room table or eating at a table in London? That’s how I see money now and how I put those amounts into a high yield savings account every time I was tempted to spend them elsewhere. That’s how I got the trip paid for!

I stopped getting to payday with an empty account and I was getting back to the person I was who didn’t care about new stuff and what everyone else was doing. I was happier with more money and less stress. The stuff I was buying wasn’t making me nearly as happy as the account having some wiggle room and there being left overs between paydays. I was starting to have $50-100 per month to put into ETFs like VOO through my Roth IRA and I was building great wealth off very little a month. I was going back to what I was always taught and believed in but hadn’t practiced lately. I noticed when I was falling behind financially I was making myself more behind trying to cling on to better days by “spoiling myself” with Starbucks and going out to eat because I was masking how horrible I was really feeling about money and wanting to pretend for a bit I wasn’t so broke when I very much was. We use things to make ourselves feel better and in reality, we feel worse, because deep down we know this behavior is self-sabatoging when the electric bill comes in or when you might not have enough gas to make it through the week. When I was doing okay, not great, but not as bad, I noticed I wasn’t feeling as bad about myself and how I was in comparison to everyone around me. I wasn’t spending as much in places I shouldn’t and I wasn’t feeling bad about “missing out” not going to eat out every week or consciously deciding not to go to the coffeeshop because it was a waste of money. I noticed, I didn’t miss those things as much when I could kind of afford them or afford them once a week because it no longer felt like I needed to treat myself. That’s when I learned too why we act like this. We sort of self-medicate with stuff trying to feel better about not being able to afford the stuff. It’s a vicious cycle and it does hurt the long term more than the here and now. It was living a lie and hiding behind the truth. It’s awful.

I started following the rule of, instead of buying the stuff to feel better like I’m doing better than I am, like I was trying to impress people and myself, I started started living by the rule don’t buy their stuff; invest in their stuff. I started seeing reminders everywhere to not spend $10 in Starbucks but $10 ON Starbucks. I started using ETrade (which is free) and I started buying fractional shares of Starbucks, Apple, Amazon, ExxonMobil, etc and then I realized as the markets were doing well, how powerful ten bucks could truly be. I stopped spending and started buying shares in tiny increments. Wow, does it add up quickly. I had multiple shares in all of them and I kept going.

I changed my mindset and fears around scrutinizing every little penny I spent. I no longer felt ashamed and humiliated how I was so broke that I had to nit pick every small purchase this deeply. I no longer felt it as a bad thing but a power shift and life step in the right direction. If I cut $50 a month in dumb spending here and there and put it OUT of my checking and into a savings that wasn’t connected to my current account, I was building a small bit of cushion which was more fulfilling than any item, trend, drink, status symbol, etc. I wasn’t as broke as I thought but I was more wasteful and stupid than I had thought. Going through every dollar I spent wasn’t ridiculous or pointless because it showed me how much I was letting go without much benefit and it showed me how much I had left over when I stepped being wasteful. Going through my finances with a fine toothed comb showed me I had potential and a little bit, not much, but a small amount that I could get out of being paycheck to paycheck and squeeze enough every month to have a padding and I slowly got more efficient on my bills too. I started getting better at not even going places that tempted me to buy and I stopped being tempted by them to go in. I don’t even go inside Target anymore and I save even more now because I only search what’s on my grocery list instead of going through the store.

The grocery aisles can be sneaky on your budget too and make you spend more even if you no longer explore the new Magnolia or Studio McGee products. I noticed I was getting caught up in sales or whatever looked too good (NEVER shop hungry or full!) and so when I started only shopping on the app with exactly what was on my list then checking out, I was savings HUNDREDS every month! I was saving hundreds and had a couple hundred every month now for my Roth IRA where I was learning how simple ETF purchases could make me rich in retirement with only $100-200 per month and eventually more. I had less debt and more to pay off what I did owe. I was slowly becoming even more smart with money with cash in the bank despite my income not changing. It was crazy! I have no debt now and I buy smart. I buy only what I need at Target through drive up and I don’t guilt buy anything for the kids either or get sucked into sales of stuff that’s cool but not a need.

I was becoming more and more encouraged about finances and putting money in better places than my bank account which wasn’t growing with interest like I expected. I thought about everything my grandma taught me about stocks and savings and I started learning more. I read books, listened to podcasts, read articles, and went to webinars to learn as much as I could. I watched business shows, and only followed business and finance accounts. No more scrolling, binge watching, or wasting time posting. I was learning and realizing this is how billionaires work too. Celebrities and show offs on social media flash their wealth but truly wealthy people are simple, monitor all expenses no matter how small, and live a more quiet wealth lifestyle. It’s not for show. It’s for comfort and peace of mind. That was the goal I set from then on. I stopped consuming consumerism content online or people who posted their Amazon hauls, outfits, stuff, decor, whatever and never bought into it or the idea of needing a lifestyle of a certain kind because it looked good. It didn’t mean it was BEST for me to live that way because it was a shiny object way of life. It all comes and goes and so does that money so it was no longer for me. I wanted the money coming and growing so I followed new money rules. If I saw something and was tempted to buy a want, not a need, and it was Target, Amazon, etc. I instead, put the cost into their stock or my Roth and let that money be put to better use. This is where I saw my accounts all growing in the right direction. I care less about stuff and more about the next decade and where I’ll be financially then. Not how pretty my house is compared to Instagram or what cup everyone is carrying. I can put $50 in way better places that pay me thousands back in retirement than a cup because the internet got obsessed for some reason.

This is the power of simply changing your mindset and small habits because these little actions, like interest, compound over time and continue to slowly grow into big returns. Read the Slight Edge and Compound Effect, the 12 Week Year, and other books. They help so much!